areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
