I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
