He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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