I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
