I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
