i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
