I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
