I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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