I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
