the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
