You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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