i may or may not be watching the land before time
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
