One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
