Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
