i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
