So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
