You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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