is your mom at the bar?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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