Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
