I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
