Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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