i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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