Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
