The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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