I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
