i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
