I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
