He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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