Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
