Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
