I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize