he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
