Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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