just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I will pee on everything he values.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
