So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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