I wish I only lived at night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We had sex on a dog bed..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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