I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just found a bag of teeth...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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