He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize