go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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