she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
