I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
