i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
