So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
