I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
