Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
