Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
