i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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