Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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