CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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