my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
