i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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