In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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