I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
