before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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