No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my being single is dangerous.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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