Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
