cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
