evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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