shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
