I am in a vortex of obligation.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
