I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
