He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
