Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
