In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
