Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
