so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
