and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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