I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your cock deserves a montage
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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