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i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
