i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
